so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
