My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
