yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
