It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
