do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
