NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
