Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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