All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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