She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
