I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
