Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
