I want to walk on stilts...naked
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
