Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
