he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
