you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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