Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
