Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
