Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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