the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
