the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
