his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
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