I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.