when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
