i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
