Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
