There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
