So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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