I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
