how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
