Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
