Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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