Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Buhtt sex?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize