Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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