Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
