Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
