my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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