I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
