There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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