if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize