First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
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Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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