look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
