I just cut my nipple shaving
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
