my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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