i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
