I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
