Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
