As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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