You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
