a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
