He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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