Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
