Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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