Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
