so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
