I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
