I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
