Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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