i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
