Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
