Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
