Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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