i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
