I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
