I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
