I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
