His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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