I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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