I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
