one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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