I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
