whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
