when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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