I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
