Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
