Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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