ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
