if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
