I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
