So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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