I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
