She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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