he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
