She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
