she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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